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hecklerandkoch:

Back in like fourth grade there was this thing at my school called the 100 book challenge and basically you got prizes for every like book you read and I read so much they called my mom in because they thought I was forging her signature on the logs because I read like seven hours a day and ‘no child would actually read that much’

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

420doorcinemaclub:

when my family went to disney world we went on the haunted mansion ride and this actor dressed as a skeleton came up to our cart and got right in my three year old brothers face and whispered “are you scared?” and my brother kissed him on the nose and the guy laughed so hard he had to leave

pfefferi:

contrary to popular belief, vincent van gogh actually cut his ear off so he could not hear the haters

soofyawn:

god who fucking cares. who fucking cares. who fucking cares. everyone stop being offended and mad over the smallest shit ever. ask urself who the fuck fucking cares

primacdonaldsgirl:

pretending to study in front of ur parents like 

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